Self-Inflicted Wounds

I can remember the conservation like it was yesterday. A man that I had foolishly become infatuated with had cruelly hurt my feelings.  Unfortunately for me, he was the type that my great grandmother, had she been alive, would have described as, “Not Worth the Salt in A Batch of Biscuits.” On this particular evening, I was on the phone with one of my closest friends. “What’s wrong?” Raquel asked. “Nothing,” I said unconvincingly. “What’s wrong?” she persisted. “Nothing.” I answered. “Levy…what is wrong!” she asked again.  Although I had been divorced for years, she still called me by my former married name of Levy. In fact, in well over fifteen years of friendship, it is the only name she’s ever consistently called me.  Annoyed, she continued to press, “Are you going to tell me or what!” Raquel, a Washington, D.C. native, was accustomed to operating at a fast pace.  As a result, I knew my hesitant response had already absorbed her ½ teaspoon of patience.

I finally gave up and said, “You know who hurt my feelings again today.” Completely done with me, she demanded, “Are you freaking kidding me, Levy!” “No,” I said softly. “I’m not…although I really wished I were.” Suddenly, she grew very quiet. “I mean…” I confessed, “I knew he was no good before I became involved with him.” After a moment, she calmly asked, “Well, you did but that’s in the past now and no matter what, you can’t change that.” Not budging, she wanted to know,“ Okay, so what are you going to do about it today?” Frustrated with myself, I cried, “I know! I know!” I then tried to explain,“ I guess God has to sometimes hurt us in order to help us.” It was then that she said something to me that I will NEVER forget as long as I am conscious in this world.  “Uh Uh, Levy! You can’t put this on God.”  Stunned, all I could do was listen as she continued, “You are self-inflicting this wound on yourself, not God! You can’t blame Him…this is all on you!” Owwwweee! Her words stung me like accidentally bumping into a hot stove.  It was like she suddenly dropped the mic and then walked off the stage. I knew she was only telling me the truth because she loved me.  Most importantly, she wanted me to stop settling for less than I truly deserved.

Until then, I never equated a bad relationship to a self-inflicting wound like cutting yourself. Nonetheless, that’s exactly what it is. Both stem from emotional pain. “According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), approximately one in every 100 Americans engages in non-surgical self-injury.”  What’s really interesting though is that this behavior is found to be more prevalent among women than in men.  Let’s pause here for a moment.  Self-inflicting wounds occur more often among women than men.  Does that not speak volumes?  Regardless of who gets hurt, it all comes down to a choice.  Only we can decide to choose either peace or punishment when it comes to relationships.  No one can do that for us.

Now you know why I have made the decision to ‘Wait on the Lord’ for my future love. Today I am learning how to do my best, with the Grace of God, to stay off the treadmill of bad relationship choices.  I am no longer content to be moving but not going anywhere. Perhaps this message strikes a familiar chord with you? Are you creating self-inflicted wounds on yourself when it comes to your love life? Maybe you are like I was, each time I started out on a ‘New love’ journey I would inevitably end up as a guest at the Heartbreak hotel.  The good news is that we do not have to keep taking the same disastrous route. All we have to do is have the courage to cut ties to that instrument (or person) that keeps causing us pain. If I did it, anyone can do it…trust me!   We start by keeping our mind focused on the positive things of life, like the Word of God.   Psalm 34:18 NIV promises us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Secondly, no wound can recover unless it is ‘allowed the proper time’ to heal. It might take weeks, months or even years to become fully restored. Our chance at happiness doesn’t have to be just a wish upon star. When we choose to live our lives according to Will of God, that wish for love will eventually, through faith, turn into the reality of a promising new future.