But God!
“Ms. White, can you go back to the Waiting Area, we will also need you to do an Ultrasound.” I adjusted the garment that I was given to wear and slid off the Examination table. While I headed to the door, I glanced back over my shoulder at the screen where the black and white images from my mammogram still shown. Turning forward, I headed back to the Waiting Room. Like clockwork, women constantly traveled in and out of the small sitting area with our blue uniform hospital gowns. A tiny, sweet looking older lady came and sat beside me. I could tell she was nervous. I greeted her in Spanish and learned her name was Mrs. Flores. She explained that she had felt a hard lump and wanted to get it checked out. Quietly I assured her that it would be okay. I never told her that I was there for the same reason. In fact, I have a history of them. When I was only fifteen years old, I had to have a tumor removed from my right breast. “You will most likely be a high risk candidate,” said my stone-faced physician. With no history of breast cancer on either side of my family at that time, I was terrified. Fast forward thirty years later to 2017, I was still fearful and prayed I would not have to repeat that experience or worse.
While I prayed, I closed my eyes. I envisioned a presence lifting Mrs. Flores and me. It slowly circled around each of our bodies, from the bottom of our feet to the top of our heads. After a few moments, it appeared that we were gently settled back into our seats. It was the strangest vision that I have ever had while praying in a public place. I began to repeat Romans 10:11. I paraphrased it by saying, “Those who trust in the Lord will never be put to shame.” Again I said, “Those who trust in the Lord will never be put to shame.” I repeated it over and over again. Even after I opened my eyes, I silently continued to say it. A nurse came in a few minutes later and told Ms. Flores that she was free to go. The pure relief on her face brought tears of joy to my eyes. I was truly happy for her.
Ten minutes after she departed, a nurse came and took me to go have my Ultrasound. As she administered the test, I watched as she peered sternly at the screen. At one point, she suddenly grunted and leaned in to look intently at the monitor. After a moment or two, I anxiously asked, “Is anything wrong, please?” She hurriedly pushed her glasses back up on her nose and replied, “I’m sorry, ma’am but that’s a discussion for the doctor.” As I continued to quietly lie there, tears began to roll down the sides of my cheeks. I felt incredibly alone and afraid. Again, I silently reminded myself, “Those Who Trust in the Lord will never be put to shame.” The nurse finally looked up and saw me crying. Bless her heart, she tried to comfort me with some Kleenex.
As it turns out, both tests came back negative. Thank You, Jesus! Once I heard the results, I fell on my knees right there in that cold, sterile room and praised, “The Great I Am.” My mind replayed those defeating words that the doctor had spoken to me so very long ago, “You will most likely be a high risk candidate.” As I later walked out of the building that day, I could have sworn that the sun never shown brighter. While heading to my car, I thought, “Yes, I could have very well been a high risk candidate.” Taking a moment to pause, I shaded my eyes and glanced up at the heavens. With a heart overflowing with humbleness and joy, I thankfully declared, “But God!”
